The Ghost of a Lover's Past

How about I start with what happened today, and backtrack all that happened - back to five years ago or so? I am undecided if all will be revealed, but I am certain, that all will agree that the title is quite appropriate.

*Disclaimer: All names and places will be changed except my own. Anything similar to it is just coincidental, for sure. The name TRIP may get on your nerves for using it inappropriately, but please bear with me.

Trip: name of love interest; will not be substituted with a pronoun. LOL.


Diary Entry: November 22, 2009

I woke up pretty late today. Around 9-10am or so. I texted Trip and just said good morning as I always (Okay, sometimes. Fine. RARELY.) do. I decided to go out with the family as I haven't heard a word from Trip all morning. When Trip finally replied, I was out of the house already. Trip asked if I wanted to hangout today. I told Trip I couldn't and that was that.

We were texting and agreed to meet up the next day. We talked about this new car I was going to get, Trip wanted to get the same. We'd name the cars Obama and Oprah. Mine was Obama, of course. Trip said that it might be high time that I was introduced to the family. Trip's, of course. I think I answered I wasn't ready (like all my other answers), but I can't quite remember. I'm still dizzy from all the drama. I dunno how this conversation started, but this is how it went. This is not verbatim as I've deleted all messages from Trip, but I'll try as best as I can to recall what happened. Mine's all verbatim, btw. (Thank you, sent items.)

Trip:
"Ibabalik ko na sayo yung gift mo. Natauhan nako." (Read Diary Entry: November 21, 2009)

My world just stopped. A gift's a gift, right? You don't give it back? I was hurt and angry all at the same time.

Me:
"That you don't want it? Ok. Figured. Sorry it wasn't what you wanted, di ko afford price range mo eh. Goodnight. :)"

Trip:
"Natauhan nako. :)"

Me:
"Ok. return it to me tom. I'll ask someone to get it from you. You'll never hear from me again after that, i assure you. Goodbye. Paki iwan nalang sa guard. Salamat!"

Okay, okay, a little too mellow dramatic. Okay, heavy drama even. But you will understand why I was like this, when we go backtracking on my next blog. :)
Then I changed my mind..

Me:
"No, please keep it. I bought that for you. Its like the one i have. Pero kung itatapon mo, tama, ibalik mo..." (you don't need to know the rest - heavy, almost TRAGEDY, drama. lol)

Then I said some more dramatic this till Trip replied with an "Ok."

I will not get into detail on the things Trip said, but it was something like Trip didn't want to love me anymore, that Trip has to come first before me. ETC ETC ETC. It's a boat load of bull crap though, if you ask me. Trip promised not to hurt me, that I will never get hurt again. Trip promised me forever too.

I wanted to talk about how I feel, but now that I think about it, I dunno how I feel. I tried crying. It didn't help, nor work. I don't feel sad at all. I feel angry, and disappointed. More at myself than at Trip.

You know what? It's 2:37am and I should really get back to sleep. Try, at least. I guess. I dunno.